RUGBY WORLD CUP FINAL 8: MINNOWS EATEN, NORTHERN HEMISPHERE MUSINGS

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Lièvremont holds vomit.

CHRIST CHURCH, NZ – We’re done with Pool Play. The Minnows (Tier 2 Nations) heroic up-stream swim is over – the Big Fish devoured them, predictably and unpredictably. Gone as well are Tier 1A Nations like Samoa, Fiji, Scotlandthe Red Sox of the Rugby World Cup – and Tonga, who beat France!  The Beardos missed their 2nd win by a whisker and Team USA was one tackle and 2 kicks away from taking down Ireland. But let’s move forward. Let’s look at some notable bits about the Final 8:

Armitage Deafens Paterson

ENGLAND: The Bad Boysof the RWC. First we had centre and new Royal Family In-Law, Mike Tindall’s much-ballyhooed cavorting with a co-ed, captured on Bouncer Cam. Next, we had he “lewd tease” of a chambermaid in the room of rugby stars James Haskell, Chris Ashton and Dylan Hartley. Apparently, she’s not up for a few verses of Alouette. Just kidding, for if you’ve insulted a female from NZ, you’ve definitely crossed the line; they’ve heard and seen ever rugby behaviour from an early age. On the pitch, Delon Armitage will miss the quarter final against France after being suspended for a dangerous tackle on Scotland’s Chris Paterson. Before you defend Delon, consider he was suspended 8 weeks as while with the London Irish for pushing a doping control officer. He also got nabbed for punching a player in a London Irish match. Coach Martin Johnson, who likes like the villain in a Mel Brooks movie, has reprimanded all guilty players; their curfew is now 3AM instead of 3:30AM. Still, the English are undefeated.

FRANCE: Word from Jerry Lewis Land is that they are considering renaming Les Blues to Les Miserables. Things are so bad, that Coach Marc Lièvremont ordered a team drinkup to sort things out. Not long into it, several vets stormed out. Apparently, they were served Boddington’s. They are a mess, which means they will likely upset the apple cart by beating the undefeated Brits.

Warburton on War-Path

IRELAND: Perhaps the best thing that happened to the Irish? A too-close-for-comfort win vs the Eagles. They looked like they were at an Irish wake after that match and Brian O’Driscoll, Paul O’Connell & the lads have stepped up to the world stage in fine fashion. Might we add that we picked Ireland over the Wallabies?

WALES: Our sleeper team is still alive despite getting REAMED by the horrific call on what would have been a difference-making penalty kick against South Africa. Watch for Sam Warburton (16 st 3) and his fellow Tom Jones cousins.

Wednesday, we’ll be back with our Southern Hemisphere Musings. Tomorrow, England’s Mathew Drew Turner is back with an interesting piece: Rugby vs Cricket.

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JWB is the contrived Kiwi sports personality who can't go ANYWHERE without being asked for an autograph. He always obliges. Find him on Twitter at: @JWB_RWU

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