Every Tuesday, England 7s star Mathew Drew Turner takes on the role of pesky reporter for RWU.
“His kicking is more consistent than Justin Bieber’s hair flick!”
LONDON, ENGLAND – Hey, everyone, it’s Mat Turner. This week all you faithful followers of RWU get a glimpse at the secret squad within the England Sevens Squad. I guess you could say it’s the Youth League of England Sevens and it goes by the name of… THE BLAZING SQUAD.
The Blazing Squad are mainly the new and younger players this year, and oddly enough, every single member is a back-line player; perhaps last week’s featured guest, James Rodwell, ate all the potential front row players. That’ classified info… Anyway, back to the B.S. Boys, but before you read further, promise this: After forwarding this story to as many of your mates as possible – we rely on your spreading the word – you’ll destroy your computers and cell phones as a means of keeping The Blazing Squad’s identity safe.
The Squad consists of CLP (Chris Lewis-Pratt). He plays fly half and is the new kicker and despite being born on Boxing Day, his kicking is more consistent than Justin Bieber’s hair flick! he also looks alot like Todd from Wedding Crashers.
Sam Edgerley, who plays wing, with ridiculously quick feet. He’s also a direct descendant of Samwise Gamgee of the shire! He’s a 5ft midget that girls always say “Aw, cute…” as they pat him on the head.
Tom Mitchell aka Uni or Unnneeey. He plays pretty much anywhere in the backline. We’re still pretty unsure whether he has a speech impediment or if he’s just constantly drunk. He is currently holding the title for worst *shlid of the squad and if we find out that he is constantly drunk the whole time??? That could be a new record.
Marcus Watson and Daniel Norton or Marcus Norton or Daniel Watson. I still get them confused. Marcus is also a player who players anywhere in the backline and scored the first touch of his England 7s career in Adelaide last season. Everybody knows Dan Shnorton Norton. He’s quite a big deal – just ask him – and struts around with swag. Truth be known, he’s covered in anti-swag! I would like to congratulate him on his new Nike modeling deal, though. [golf clap]
The final member of The Blazing Squad is, ironically… myself. I’m known as Gandalf because of my age. It’s hard being called oldwhen your only 23, but you get use to it after a while.
There are a few “Plus 1s” as we call them – like Oliver Lindsey-Hague, aka eleganteswannytwiggyshlidybos! (Yes, that’s all one word) – for instance. For some insight on these types, here are a few famous quotes by this confused soul:
“My hair’s about a 9 1/2 out of 10. There is always room for improvement.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Huh? What?”
The average age of The Blazing Squad is 21yrs, 107 days, 17mins, and 35seconds – give or take a few here and there. Compare that to the average age of the Forwards, which is 27yrs… ouch! But in their defence, that’s mainly because of Simon Hunt; he’s turning 37 this year! He’s going to be telling people war stories soon – World War I stories.
Within the squad there is alot of banter thrown around, mainly about The Blazing Squad’s hair-do’s or *shlids. This seems to be the main point of attack at the moment.
This was just a little insight into The Blazing Squad or youth league of England Sevens, I personally can’t wait to see these boys on the field doing what they do best.
If you’ve got questions for The Blazing Squad, I’m sure they wont mind answering them here – you can use your various accounts like Twitter or Facebook to comment or question. And you can always track them down on Twitter:
CLP – @CLewisPratt
Sam Edgerley – @samedge11
Tom Mitchell- @TBobbyMitch
Marcus Watson -@MarcusWatson11
Dan Norton -@Dan_Norton4
Tomorrow, our contrived Kiwi host, Johnathan Wicklow Barberie (@RugbyWrapUp on Twitter) and Aussie correspondent Bruce Bogan have at it re the World Cup.
*Referring to a bad lidcut or haircut. i.e. “S**t Lid” shortens to Shlid.