England’s Rugby Star’s Cheeky Rugby vs Cricket Bit Rife With Innuendo

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Every Tuesday, England 7s star Mathew Drew Turner takes on the role of pesky reporter for RWU.

CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA – This week I’ve been pressed by the RWU Management t0 mix it up a little. So I’ve enlisted my best buddy, Kyle Raoul Williamson, who has this silly idea that cricketers do it best. In the name of sport, I have finally I paid attention to what he has to say about cricket and what he has come up with may be a bit R-rated, but it all depends how you interpret the answers and questions. Let’s see where your minds are:
KYLE: As a cricketer, we specialize in sorting out maidens and we pride ourselves on finding the gap every time.
MDT: That’s very nice to know. Us rugby players play with a hooker every game, but when we find the gap, we hit it at all angles. We also pride ourselves on putting others into the gap, like any good teammate/wingman should. And if we only score a 2 or 3 for putting it between the uprights, we still run back to the half-way with a smile on our face.

Kallis: Now & Then

KYLE: Well, not only do we specialize in maidens, but they appreciate us because we know the value of protection. We can vary our strokes to achieve better results. You are also always guaranteed to see a fine leg at a cricket game.

Forbes' hair-raising look.

MDT: This is all true with what you are saying here and I’ve seen what you’ve done with the whole fine leg thing; it’s very clever! Yet in Rugby, we accommodate all types of people. Most people are multi-talented, which is not the case in cricket. The way I see it is you’re either a batsman or a bowler. More importantly what’s this trend with cricketers getting hair implants?
KYLE: Well, from as far as I can tell, getting hair implants does wonders for people. Point and case, Jacques Kallis got implants and went on to score his maiden double hundred and Shane Warne had it done and now is marrying Liz HurleyI don’t think anyone would complain. Just imagine how good D.J. Forbes could be if he grew his hair out? Speaking of carrot tops, what is it like having such a massive population of gingers in rugby? Rumor has it that gingers are the only thing the Tuilagi Brothers are scared of?

Tuilagi Brothers

MDT: Point made. and I did come across this picture of Disk Jockey Forbes on Google. I think this is the reason he shaves his head! But I disagree… Scotland’s got the largest population of gingers and they didn’t field one ginger head this past weekend. Maybe they would have won if they had one playing for them! They clearly didn’t do their homework! The only thing I think the Tuilagi Brothers are scared of is their mother… Anyway, I read the article which was about D.J. Forbes and has got me onto the topic of Sex Symbols in Rugby and Cricket. In Rugby we have the Carters, SBW, M Turner, Wilko, M D Turner, Quade Cooper, MDT, James O’Connor, D.J. Forbes and Declan Yeats – probably not the last one, sorry Declan! Who is there in Cricket?
KYLE: We have the entire Bollywood crowd going mental for the Indian side, but we have a few; Shane Warne, Graeme Smith and others who I can’t think of right now. Say, is it true that Ollie Lindsey-Hague’s father is Geppetto? “I’m a real boy.” And I hear commentators saying “I’ve just seen the center come inside the flyhalf all day.” If this was the case who you want to be “Coming inside of you?
MDT: George Clooney would be my answer… Wait! Are we on the same wave length?! Ha, ha… While we are on the topic of trying to get into holes, here are the 3 questions we ask girls when we first meet them:
1. Tea or Coffee?
2. Rugby or Cricket?
3. G-string or French knickers?
Don’t be scared to answer the questions ladies!
Well Kyle, you have been very interesting as usual, but as we are probably going to find out. Rugby does it best! But well-tried.