England Rugby’s Mat Turner Reports From Wellington 7s

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Every week, England 7s star Mathew Drew Turner takes on the role of brazen, if not cheeky, reporter for RWU.
WELLINGTON, NZ Hello world. This is coming to you from down under, the bottom right of the map. Wellington, New Zealand. After a mammoth journey of 34hrs or so of traveling, we finally arrived at our team hotel. I would mention the name but then too many girls would be knocking on my door and a mans got to sleep.

Anyway…  Every morning we have to go swimming in the harbour, which is infested with sting rays, manta rays, giant squid and Jaws. Before you get into the water you have to walk the plank. Greg Barden has introduced The Bottle Test, which basically has you standing with your back to the water and then just fall backwards with the hope you land head first and not on your back with a slap, which I’m sure Will Beeley (trainer)  will tell you all about.

Red John Brake

We also now have a Wrestling Federation within the squad, with Big Red John in pole position at the moment, but I’m hot on his heels! He doesn’t know what is coming his way, but here’s a few options: A DDT or a choke slam – both are weapons I have in my armory.

Tom Mitchell was bottom but has recently beaten Marcus Watson in a tight fought battle, to which Watson tapped out like the b@%tch he is. Uni (Mitchell is from Oxford, thus the nickname) is now second from the bottom and has sent out a warning note to all of us, but thats nothing to worry about, he could be up there with one of the weakest wrestlers in the game (when hes sober)


With the tournament fast approaching the whole squad has been picking it up a gear and training has ramped up. Except Dan Norton, who constantly disappoints me – and yes, he is my roommate too – so I’m struggling but only 15 days left of the 12yr old. Im just going to keep bringing the beat down on him.

On a lighter note, Ben Ryan has been asked to act as The Giant Peach in James and The Giant Peach.
James Rodwell and Rob Vickerman are currently the doubles table tennis champions and if you want to lose at table tennis, then have Dan Norton in your team; it’s only going to go one way.

There have been a lot of good games played within the squad. Currently the favorite game is Werewolves and Villages, brought in by King of Lash Tom Mitchell. It makes Russel Earnshaw over-excited. Ben Ryan and John Brake always seem to get killed first for some strange reason. I promise, it’s not setup!

I know I promised a video this week but things have been too hectic and I’m sure next week in Vegas with Johnathan Wicklow Barberie we can make a plan for a video or two.