Matthew Hawkins is the captain of the U.S.A. Eagles 7s team. He’s also a good guy – and smart.
LOS ANGELES, CA – Unlike the regular Tuesday guy, Mathew Drew Turner, I was not blackmailed by Johnathan Wicklow Barberie to contribute to the RWU cause. He flat out begged me. And there’s nothing worse that a gray-haired Kiwi crying into his rugby bow-tie. So here I am for an initial Q & A:
JWB: You look like an Amish farmer and talk with a funny accent. Do you get offended when people say you sound like you’re Amish?
MH: I’ve never had that before, but definitely an interesting theory…
JWB: All you’re missing is the horse-drawn carriage. But you are actually from Durban, South Africa. If not, please correct us and also explain where the hell that is, exactly.
MH: Apparently. Yes from good old Durbs on the East Coast of South Africa, somewhere near the bottom of Africa. You’ll know your in the right place when you hear people calling you China and Cuz.
JWB: Have you ever worn one?
MH: Worn what?
JWB: A Durban.
MH: I’ll have to ask my folks.
JWB: We have a fellow South African, Mathew Drew Turner, checking in with us every Tuesday. He said he’s a much better tackler than you.
MH: That’s some playful banter, definitely. I have a better hairstylist than him.
JWB: I lied. He didn’t say that. And you were very diplomatic.
JWB: Speaking of Turner’s missed tackles, is there a female player that you would not want to tackle. You know, somebody in the Alafoti Faosiliva mode, that you just don’t want coming your way?
MH: You have me stumped on that one. No comment.
JWB: Have any of your teammates dated her, if she existed?
MH: My man Cactus [Emerick] has probably dated a few.
JWB: What’s with all you South Africans playing for different countries, anyway? Is it the food that poisoned the All Blacks in ’95 that drives you all away?
MH: We’re all just making our way in the world. Where we land is all about opportunity. I found many great opportunities here in the USA and was granted the great honor of becoming an American.
JWB: Rumor has it that you got the name Polar Bear because you had to fight one off in the South African jungle with your bare hands. Or is it “bear” hands?
MH: That is 100% accurate. The story can be found on Google. Come to think of it, there might even be video evidence on YouTube.
JWB: Have you ever thought of dying your hair and eyebrows? Players are always going blond or putting streaks in their hair – Emerick, Wyles. Why don’t you get nutty and show up with jet-black hair?
MH: I did that for my matric dance way back when an absolutely no one recognized me. But I’ll definitely shoot that note to my hairstylist.
JWB: You’re a family man but you must see your Eagle teammateschatting up ladies. Name the three with the absolute worst wraps with women – worst first.
MH:
1) Roland “Work Rate” Suniula
2) Mark “Body by Bok” Bokhoven
3) Zack “The Hebrew Hammer” Test
JWB: What’s worse, Suniula’s game with women or the Eagles’ kicking game vs Canada in Toronto?
MH: Ooh. That’s a toss up. The jury will be deliberating for weeks.
JWB: You could pass for a Canadian. Any advice for Mat Turner after he insulted all of Canada in his Q&A yesterday?
MB: Saying that is like saying you’re a rival of PakisCorner.com. But my suggestion would be don’t plan a vacation there.
JWB: Now from Guys-With-A-Wrap: Your teammates Todd Clever & Emerick.
MH: Ready.
JWB: Clever says you seem to spend the off-season with Coach Al Caravelli – surfing, golfing, going to foreign films with subtitles.
MH: I try to develop our relationship as much as possible off the field, but unfortunately I generally get the shrug off, “Sorry I’m spending the day with Todd today.”
JWB: Like Clever, Emerick plays both 7s and 15s. He says you have, in your words, “A pretty neat stamp collection.”
MH: Not neat, its phenomenal! It was actually passed down to me. The original owner was a man by the name of Dallen “Steel Shoulder” Stanford.
JWB: You’re best and worst moments as a U.S. Eagle.
MH: My best, every time I get the opportunity to be an Eagle. My worst, not being able to be an Eagle every day.
JWB: Good answer. Who’s a better coach, Al Caravelli or Gordon Tietjens?
MH: Barack Obama.
JWB: Well-played, Mr. Polar Bear. Thank you and welcome to the RWU Team. We look forward to your next visit here, as a brunette.
