Mathew Drew Turner is a current star with England’s 7s Team. Johnathan Wicklow Barberie (JWB) somehow has him committed to reporting/writing in on RWU. Please see MDT’s previous columns.
JWB: After watching Team Canada beat Team USA in Toronto, do you think there’s any truth to the rumor that Nese Malifa is really Canadian?
MDT: That’s a very good question!
JWB: Speaking of the 51st state, how the sacre bleu did you end up going to college in Quebec?
MDT: I don’t know where this vicious rumor has come from; to be honest Canada is the last place I want to visit. Canadians say “Eh!” all the time and are all born with ice skates on (that’s why they all walk funny). The only thing that comes to mind when I think of Canada is maple syrup.
JWB: What do the Springboks have to do to win the World Cup, other than having only their captain realizing it’s not touch?
MDT: They have got to qualify in first or second in their group then win the quarters then the semi then final, the same way every other team has to. More seriously, I think it is going to be a big ask for them this RWC. Pieter De Villiers is no Coach Carter in my eyes, and has inherited a previous World Cup winning team. That’s why he is been pretty successful, but I still see no change in the SA game plan from the previous World Cup. South Africa are known for their defence but look at how many trys Australia and New Zealand put on them in the First two Tri-Nations games.
JWB: How is it that you’re born and raised in South Africa and play for England?
MDT: Thanks to my parents; my dad is South African and my mom is English – so I lucked out there and have two passports. The British passport is gold and I think that’s why most girls talk to me. It is just for the passport.
JWB: The Super 15s Final between the Canterbury Crusaders and Queensland Reds featured a 2nd row coaching against a prop, with the prop’s Reds scoring a huge upset. What is more inexplicable, Crusader Coach Todd Blackadder and Queensland Coach Ewen McKenzie, two tight fivers, as the bosses or that McKenzie the prop is now a coaching legend for turning the Reds around?
MDT: You got to give credit when its due [even to scrummers]. Both of them have done a great job and used their players extremely well this season. Now I wait for a call from either of them offering me a multi-million dollar contract.
JWB: Who would you rather play for, McKenzie or Blackadder?
MDT: Blackadder. Always been a fan of that show.
JWB: Who will prevail when Ireland and Team USA meet in New Plymouth, NZ on September 9th in the World Cup?
MDT: Ireland will take this one. I don’t know how old O’Driscol will be, but he will play a huge role.
JWB: What will the score be and why?
MDT: Don’t know about the score but will Nese Malifa be playing?
JWB: Is Todd Clever a better 7s or 15s player?
MDT: Todd is a good all-round player but I haven’t seen him play much 15s to be honest, so can’t really say. Todd is a crowd-pleaser.
JWB: Have you ever seen him naked?
MDT: I haven’t of yet seen him naked, but I hear he is a part-time Chippendale and if u want to see him semi-naked he is performing at the MGM in Las Vegas.
JWB: Speaking of nudity, name the top 5 hottest female 7s players in the world and don’t act like you don’t know because your girlfriend will get mad.
MDT: I’m currently unattached at the moment but will be holding auditions soon, I haven’t really been lucky enough to meet any of the female 7s Girls, they seem to stick to themselves (subliminal message) but I believe they play with an iron not a rugby ball (Jokes, of course)…
JWB: Whose butt would have a better chance kicking in a fight, Sébastien Chabal or Richie McCaw? Why?
MDT: I’m going for Sebastian Chabal, I like Richietoo much to embarrass him in front of all is friends.
Three Reasons why I would win a fight with Mssr. Chabal:
1) He drives a Smart Car.
2) There is a rumor he is related to Samson so will aim for his hair.
3) I am faster than him.
JWB: Well, once again you’ve been able to withstand the heat in our kitchen, Mathew. Thank you.
MDT: You’re welcome. Maybe next Tuesday I’ll be asking questions of some of my mates in a Johnathan Wicklow Barberie fashion?
JWB: I’d be flattered. Either way, we’ll see you in a week.
MDT: P.s… I’m still waiting for those calls from Ewen McKenzie and/or Todd Blackadder. Your interview with him is pretty funny, by the way.
JWB: At the risk of being humble, it certainly is. One can click this or go to the VIDEOS Page to see that one. And we’ll have the first of three parts with All Blacks Legend John Kirwan coming out this week.
MDT: Looking forward to all of that and any comments below. And I hear Matt Hawkins & Christy Ringgenberg may be writing in?
JWB: Yes and yes! Hopefully those reading will comment here and Tweet and Facebook us so that we can attract more advertisers to pay all these annoying international bill collectors!