PHEW! TEAM USA GOES TO MACDONALD’S

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NEW PLYMOUTH, NZ – Our Sport Guru picks are still unblemished! We’re now 12-0, topped off by our amazingly accurate prediction that the Eagles would beat the Bears by… seven points. Oh… Did we fail to mention that Team USA knocked off Russia 13-6 in the Rugby World Cup in a gut-wrenching nail-biter of a must-win for both nations??? A win means a birth in the next RWC, so this was huge for future of rugby in America and Russia.

Mike MacDonald, a throw-back prop with the requisite cheesy mustache, was the [Mastercard] Man Of The Match, but really, all his mates were men on this night. MacDonald, however, put his Doobie Brothers career on hold to bulldoze, crawl, mash and will the Eagles to their first victory – a victory that had to have. Big Mike even won over the announcers, who mentioned that he might grab the Snickers that he had tucked in his sock, when the wily veteran was taking a “Minute, Sir.

Helping M.M. out was the return of Chris Wyles, who likely would have fared better NOTkicking in a nor’easter, and the stellar lineout play of John Van Der Giessen, who stole the game from the seemingly stiff Russians. Indeed, they were were seriously lacking in moves, underscoring our long-standing theory that Russians Can’t Dance. P.s… VDG is leading an unsung but downright decent pack with loosies Lou Stanfill, Nic Johnson and Captain Clever. They all hit, have mobility and a certain je ne sais quoi when it comes to facial hair and hairdos.

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Brooklyn’s own, Mike Petri, the Felix to MacDonald’s Oscar, scored – arguably – the biggest try in the history of the U.S.A.! – A kid from Brooklyn! Howyoudoin?!

Finally, our favorite line of the match was when the play-by-play man said “[Takudzwa Ngwenya] has grown toes where his fingers should be.”

Siberian Rugby Coaches

Unfortunate Match Result: The beleaguered Russian flyhalf – we’ll call him Boris so as to not get in any hot water – was shipped to Siberia… During the match! That’s unlucky. He did kick like Jerry Lewis on roller skates, though.

Next up for the Eagles are the Wallabies of Australia. But as we know FROM THIS, the birds flying over the Aussie training grounds fly upside down – because the players aren’t worth sh!tting on.

 

 

 

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About Johnathan Wicklow Barberie 118 Articles
JWB is the contrived Kiwi sports personality who can't go ANYWHERE without being asked for an autograph. He always obliges. Find him on Twitter at: @JWB_RWU