Every Tuesday, England 7s star Mathew Drew Turner takes on the role of brazen, if not cheeky, reporter for RWU. Today he’s spot on!
CAPE TOWN, S.A. – I’ve finally managed to get hold of John Brake, whose manager kept saying, “He’ll call you back.” He never did. The only reason I can think of was he was out doing a Dexter or was maining in his new car.
Here’s a few questions for you Big John, most of them have nothing to do with rugby really, to be honest:
MDT: So, which is your favorite 7s Tourney on the IRB Series?
JB: Wellington. I love the city, the build up and the atmosphere in the “cake tin” also the Kiwi’s know how to a throw a party!
MDT: If you had to save, kill or kiss these three: Dan Norton, Ben Ryan, Russell Earnshaw… what would you do?
JB: The last time I played this game it involved women, not 2 men and a boy. I have wanted to kiss and kill Norton on different occasions, and i know you think thatI have killed before but I haven’t – innocent till proven guilty – so I’d probably save the other, too. Diffuser at his best!
MDT: That answer brings me onto the next question, which I’m sure everyone wants to hear about. The rumor of you killing a nun in Las Vegas? Is it true?
JB: As I said, innocent till proven guilty! But Vegas has beaten me once! I pulled it back to 1-1 last season and I’m hoping to go back to take the decider and make it 2-1. Vegas is a sinful place!
MDT: What makes Angry John come out, aka Red John?
JB: Mainly people who are untrustworthy and rude.
MDT: You really must hate Dan Norton, then.
JB: Hate’s a strong word. He’s only young
MDT: Is your girlfriend’s name really Mynadz or is it your version of my Palmala Handerson?
JB: Ah, a play on words, pun or whatever you want to call it. Your childish play! Her name is Mahnaz.
MDT: I’m glad we cleared that up, cause who would call their kid Mynadz! Suppose kids have been called Apple before, so there could be a Mynadz out there.
MDT: The other rumor floating around is that you have two hearts? True or False?
JB: Two hearts, no… One massive, efficient & explosive one, yes! Also known as mild hypertension.
MDT: Who’s the worst [laziest at training] trainer Norton or Nick Royle, who’s listed as 5’12” in the player profiles?
JB: Eenie, meenie, miney, mo… Dan Norton.
MDT: That makes it 4-2 to Norton
MDT: You recently bought a new car, do all of *Gator’s girls like it?
JB: They love it! I sometimes have to fight them off the RCZ! I’ts unfair on them all, but they must know.
MT: So true, John. You’re so wise!
MDT: Name some famous gingers for me?
JB: Mick Hucknell, Chris Evans, John Brake, Girl on Mad Men, John Brake, Fergie, Ed Sheeran and Kinder Ben Ryan.
MDT: What do you think about the England vs France game?
JB: Disappointing, to say the least. The real positive was Manu – and I’m not talking about his swimming capabilities.
Thanks for your time JB, been interesting talking but still don’t believe you about your whole “Las Vegas” ordeal. (Note to self: avoid John in Vegas).