Every Tuesday, England 7s star Mathew Drew Turner takes on the role of brazen, if not cheeky, reporter for RWU. Today he’s spot on!
This week against all odds I’ve got hold of the famous TV presenter and part-time rugby player, Ollie Phillips. I’ve recruited Nick Royle and Dan “Shnorton” Norton to throw some questions in the mix… for a little spice.
MDT: How old are you really? Judging by your loss of hair I’d say about 38+…
OP: It’s very difficult to say. Isoa Damu and I have the same Fijian passport issues, and so no one is sure, to be honest. It is quite a good game though, and does keep everyone guessing. Others actually say I’m getting younger; the Benjamin Button of the world rugby!!! Watch out Brad Pitt, here I come.
MDT: Do these people you talk of have dark glasses on and are always walking their dogs? That’s rhetorical… Moving along – Is true that you are endorsed by Just For Men?
OP: Rogaine, actually. These silver tints are put in deliberately…help me to sport what is becoming fashionably known as The Monk look!
MDT: Why does your back have more hair than your head?
OP: Balding and hairy men are meant to be extremely virile so I guess it is just the recipe for a sex machine!
MDT: Sounds like a lovely sweat-fest to me.
NOTE: RWU Censor Staff edited what happened after this Turner admission! After a brief ‘disruption’ the interlude… Uh, interview… continued.
MDT: What’s this story about you going to 19 weddings this summer?
What was your conversion rate? Be honest.
OP: Honestly, very poor. I have come to realise that wedding are generally populated by couples who are either married, getting married or hoping that their partner will soon marry them! This is not the best recipe for success for some of my outstanding wit and charm!
Nick Royle : Did you and James Rodwell go to the same doctor to get your lips done?
OP: I think we had the same milk man. He ended up ginger and me bald…..gotta take the rough with the smooth I guess. But yes, we both have massive lips!! Good observation!!!
Nick Royle: so you going to training with us this year at all?
OP: I’ve tried but my interpreter can’t understand you and your dodgy accent so it makes running around with you an impossibility.
Nick Royle: So when you coming metal-detecting with me?
OP: I’m not sure I’m cool enough to hang out with you all in your camouflage outfits and Secret Rules of your Metal Detecting Club! That, and the fact that if they’re as pikey as you, you’ll be stealing all my treasures before I can claim them!
MDT: I’ve noticed your doing some TV work these days. Nick is convinced it’s with Nickelodeon. Please explain?
OP: Would that be my role as Pumba in The Lion King? A very proud family moment…Hakuna Matata…or maybe the hairy baboon with the big lips!!
Dan Norton: Why are you so big, strong and handsome?
OP: It just comes naturally to me, I honestly don’t know why and to be honest with you, sometimes it’s quite embarrassing. I just try to do my best!
MDT: Give me your views on France’s performance in the final?
OP: Thought they were outstanding and, arguably, should’ve won. NZ merited it over all, but France were by far the better side on the night…….if only Trinh-Duc could kick!
MDT: What do you think of Thiery Dusautoir being named Player Of The Year?
OP: He’s a great player and a stand out one for France, but France were poor throughout the World Cup and only turned up in the final so I think it’s harsh to give it to him. For me, someone like Kaino, Pocock or Mike Phillips were much more consistent.
MDT: Who would be the best in our Sevens Squad for Come Dine With Me, Dancing On Ice, X-Factor and An Idiot Abroad?
OP: Come Dine With Me: Greg Barden. The man has romance in his blood and a man that can cook is always a winner with the ladies.
Dancing On Ice: Dan Norton. would back himself here, but his large ‘derriere‘ would be hindrance I feel. Therefore, it has to be Christian Lewis-Pratt, I reckon that man can glide!
X-Factor: Tough to call as I reckon we’re all tone deaf. Will have to say Sam Edgerley, as he looks as though he’s straight out of a boy band!
An Idiot Abroad – Do I really have to state the obvious here…Nick Royle struggles outside of Fylde and I’m not sure his metal detector and camouflage gear will go down well on foreign shores!
MDT: If you had to sing a song on X-Factor what would it be?
OP: Build Me Up Buttercup…definite crowd-pleaser!
Nick Royle: Would you invite me as your plus 1 to the Dinner For Schmucks?
OP: That dinner was made for you Royley, so I have a funny feeling that you’d be more than capable of dealing with that one on your own! 😉
MDT: Thank you, Oliver.
OP: That was beautiful. You have single-handedly made my week – as you do most weeks!