England Rugby’s Mat Turner Tuesday: Tour Tales From Australia 7s

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Every Tuesday, England 7s star Mathew Drew Turner takes on the role of brazen, if not cheeky, reporter for RWU. Today he’s spot on!
GOLD COAST, AUSTRALIA – After spending a few days in Manly [Sydney] acclimatising, we finally arrived at the Crowne Plaza in Surfers Paradise the tournament hotel. Immediately, every team starts giving the evil eyes, in an attempt to size each other up.

In the few days in Manly, aside from my beach training, a couple of notable things happened:

1) A ridiculous amount of coffee have been consumed and Tom Powell  in order to make friends – claimed he found the best flat white in the world. So we took his word and jumped on a ferry for 30 minutes to go and try this magical, borderline orgasmic, flat white, that  so vehemently supported with superlative after superlative. To our total disappointment, as in the words of Russell Earnshaw: It’s not even top 5 in West Hartlepool.”  The only positive of the trip was on the ferry back when Powelly, aka Wiggy, had his wig blow off.

Whale of a time running on the beach!

2) Ben Ryan and Rich got persuaded to buy sun glasses by a very attractive young lady. Kudos to her for managing to get Rich to spend money; he’s an elder version of James Rodwell short arms, deep pockets. Alligator arms.

3) Greg Barden’s fetish for Old ships was discovered and its freakishly weird.

4) Dan Norton has self-proclaimed himself as the Denzel Train of the wrestling world and is soon to make his debut in the L.B.W.F (Little Boy Wrestling Federation). He’s also successfully  defended his title as the worst trainer and spent a long time locked in the toilet of the bus.

Earnshaw Tanked

5) John Brake hired Roller Skates and quickly realised he didn’t know how to stop. Beach Patrol later found him clenching onto a tree and getting abused by all the locals. That’s how he landed him the infamous new name, Johnny No-Brakes.

6) Our Physio is pretending he is a player and as they say in Australia, he is a toolie.

7) Whilst all this has been happening, there has been a weird guy following us around. The best way I can describe him is he’s a German tank driver with his head on upside down. Like Russell Earnshaw.

On a more serious note now… It’s the start of the HSBC Sevens Series this weekend. Expect some awesome Rugby 7s played from here on forward. I know our team can’t wait for the season to start!