Every week, England 7s star Mathew Drew Turner takes on the role of brazen, if not cheeky, reporter for RWU.
LONDON, ENGLAND – I hope everyone has been having a great 2012 and have kept up with all your resolutions. (If you’re nodding your head to the last part, there is a 67% chance you are a liar).
This week I’ve over-heard a few stories, from having been secretly listening in on everyone’s conversations… because that’s what I do, to be honest. (I’m weird like that).
Anyway, today’s column will basically be Insider Gossip re my teammates on the England Sevens Squad. Before getting to that, there is the business our challenge race that we need to get out of the way first: Yes, Dan Norton won and yes, he did have spikes on. The sad thing is John Brake also had spikes on and only managed to scrape in at 3rd place. There is photo evidence of the finish, and Marcus Watson, you clearly didn’t come 3rd. So hand the bronze medal back, Marcus, or slide it under John’s door tonight. But just keep doing what you’ve been doing and maybe one day you ll have a medal around your neck. I also don’t know why there was a midget in the race, must have been for comedy value. Sorry, Sam [Edgerley].
Now to the good stuff… Over dinner, we got onto the conversation of who in the squad would you have on an Island with you. Here are the 4 Must Haves and the 4 Must Nots.
MUST HAVES:
Greg Barden: The is a rumor that he is Bear Grylls’ camera man. Imagine doing everything Bear does with a Camera on your shoulder. That’s pretty impressive.
Isoa Damu: Supplies the carva and smiles.
John Brake: Would never give up on chasing an animal.
Ollie Phillips: Would defiantly know someone on the island.
That’s it for the Must Haves. Next up are the LAST people on Earth you would want on an island with you.
MUST NOTS:
William Beeley: Claims to have been in the army; if the sun or starvation doesn’t get to him first, you would probably end up taking his life. He is a very irritating little bald man.
Dan Norton: About as useful as one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest.
Tom Mitchell: Would have a huge relapse! Rumors say he hasn’t been sober for longer than 30 mins since he joined “Uni” or “Unaaayy.”
Nick Royle: Last but certainly not least. If it doesn’t involve metal-detecting or caravan-ing, your gonna struggle to get anything out this man.
More about Nick. He once again won Worst Trainer Of The Day and has been given a new nickname. He’s gone from Slap Hands to Nick Spanner-hands. I must say Jonty Rhodes would have been impressed with his dive, but would not have enjoyed his catching part of the movement!
A big congrats must go out to Rob Vickerman whose wife is pregnant with his first child (that he knows of!)
Last but not least, all the lads have been nagging me to put there Twitter accounts on here so here we go: In order of highest to lowest nagging:
@RugbyWrapUp
@DeclanYeats
@james_rodwell
@samedge11
@tpowell1985
@jcwbrake
@TBobbymitch